https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog daily 0.75 2026-03-09 https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/writing-trauma-how-it-worked-for-us-yxege monthly 0.5 2026-03-09 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1600053499477-GE3OWVLBL7GCJYX88DWU/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - Writing Trauma - How It Worked for Us - “Another possible reason why writing about trauma might be helpful is that it affords us the ability to reprocess our experience from a safe place, enabling us to experience a type of mastery and control over the trauma, and overcome the sense of helplessness.” The Benefits of Writing About Trauma | The Psychosynthesis Trust Jun. 27, 2017 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1600054988224-BXRLEP0RZGRG7M34MQ9T/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - Writing Trauma - How It Worked for Us - “Research by my colleague Jamie Pennebaker and his colleagues suggests that one of the best therapies for this kind of psychological trauma is also one of the simplest: writing. People are asked to spend three consecutive days writing about one or more traumatic events. The people doing the writing do not have to believe that anyone will ever read what they wrote. Making these traumatic events more coherent makes memories of these events less likely to be repeatedly called to mind, and so they can be laid to rest.” https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/jlf8fhb35kn5k4vbh8si6vwz70p4zd monthly 0.5 2024-04-08 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/3a92874e-56df-4fad-b91d-01d4860a4216/Rape+or+Regret+Blurred+Lines+%283%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Was My Mother Right? - My mother’s rules? They might have been right, but they were all talk and prayers. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/d772f409-3fbb-4261-b927-dc982b17ee9e/Rape+or+Regret+Blurred+Lines+%281%29.jpg.png Was My Mother Right? - Was My Mother Right? - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/87f84fc2-6a83-4483-8c84-0ab872078502/Ina+Mae+Redmond+Orange+Blossom+Queen+1946.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Was My Mother Right? - Make it stand out Ina Mae Redmond Orange Blossom Queen 1946 https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/writing-trauma-how-hard-is-it monthly 0.5 2024-03-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1645501394276-L8LOROL08WG0EY5P83UP/Writing+is+Dangerous+%282%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Writing Trauma: How Hard Is It? - The Benefits of Writing About Trauma The Psychosynthesis Trust Jun. 27, 2017 “Another possible reason why writing about trauma might be helpful is that it affords us the ability to reprocess our experience from a safe place, enabling us to experience a type of mastery and control over the trauma, and overcome the sense of helplessness.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1644168132867-2PKUPDKU6WL4AIRML57V/Writing+is+Dangerous.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Writing Trauma: How Hard Is It? - I moved to my laptop and started to write stuff down…. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/62dec66e-e86b-44fc-af61-105be85527f5/Typewriter.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Writing Trauma: How Hard Is It? - In Psychology Today, Art Markman, Ph.D. writes: https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/love-is-all-you-need monthly 0.5 2024-02-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/3b3f168f-08b6-4cc6-a42e-38a70e09c068/Home+1.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Love Is All You Need - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/28a81509-dc48-4293-93ff-cc7bf4544844/Power%26Control+Wheel.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Love Is All You Need - Here is a resource that may help you start. How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship https://www.helpguide.org/home-pages/domestic-abuse.htm https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/paj4nmo8qobvwsoeqoo7m5ttp2r69u monthly 0.5 2023-11-08 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/5ef72152-d956-4cac-b648-6b18604fd31c/Together.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Our Commitment to You-Our OSV Community - Make it stand out Unity to be real must stand the severest strain without breaking. – Mahatma Gandhi https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/90jn9mrehcudge8fv31c2p6q2ivp8f monthly 0.5 2023-11-04 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/a5f91e81-9f78-4b61-8610-5af3f112bda5/Rave+Party.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Playtime On/Off Campus - A Parents Worst Nightmare Where are they? What are they doing? Who are they with? Will they come home safe? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/005e1287-dd19-4865-b6c6-05815268be4e/Rave+Concert.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Playtime On/Off Campus - “From California to the New York Island. From the redwood forests to the Gulf Stream Waters” - Woody Guthry Our children will party and have fun. It’s human nature to gather and let loose but at the same time, we need to realize it’s part of some people’s nature to hunt the vulnerable. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/fdyzw09kr27edff39ch6iqzd0ti61p monthly 0.5 2023-10-04 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/0d7a2ce6-e4d6-4fb6-b122-ccb3147c37f6/At+Work+%284%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Why We Wait… - How Could You….. If you report me, I will destroy you and your reputation. That’s what they say - you’re crazy or at fault or setting them up. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/f96d65bd-832a-40f6-a3fe-73917488516b/Best+Seller.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Why We Wait… - Make it stand out Silent Voices Are Silent No More https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/5pnbw677a1jo0wwm9gyej9zkmrl9v1 monthly 0.5 2023-09-20 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/fe22dae1-0c4c-4d86-9165-4df14bdd1bb6/Terms+of+Endearment+%282%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Terms of Endearment: Are They Mixed Signals? - They have the point – it depends. “I don’t want some guy who’s fixing my car or loading my groceries calling me “sweetheart”! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/a0a540dc-e286-4aea-8102-3ed6d43b6db5/Terms+of+Endearment+southern-terms.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Terms of Endearment: Are They Mixed Signals? - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/fcc1a889-6fe3-4723-8e52-711a64216f17/Terms+of+Endearment+%283%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Terms of Endearment: Are They Mixed Signals? - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/gav71uzeg247qt5v963eh7dgvuhx8n monthly 0.5 2023-09-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/3b515b29-908c-48ec-897b-f73e7d8fec8e/image-asset.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Just Because I Can’t See You… - I jump and gasp when my husband silently enters a room and touches me In movies, women melt into the guy’s arms, throw their heads back, and turn to kiss the guy. I jump and some sound comes out of my voice, and it sounds, well… …not very loving. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/ntliarzg55egnq6ax6h66364x9a12p monthly 0.5 2023-08-29 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/8d030674-d6ac-4ffb-bbbc-42ed805eda56/Confused+Crazy.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Broken Together: Am I Guilty I was the wife/woman/weaker one who couldn’t leave because of the children, because he had all the money, because he was stronger, because he had the car, and because he could kill me. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/k5yayoi6jqflgqiy7rze13m192mds9 monthly 0.5 2023-08-22 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/16c008c2-1c06-426f-b37a-aac1cc1efa58/Consent.jpg Was My Mother Right? - After All I’ve Done… - “I’ve kept it quiet, acted like it never happened , covered up the truth and lied for you, all of you. …At least you could, I don’t know - call and apologize? I didn’t call the police or tell everybody at school, I didn’t tell my best friend, or my parents. You raped me, all of you, and if I’d told it, It would have ruined my life! After all I’ve done, you creeps...” https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/the-white-knight-syndrome monthly 0.5 2023-07-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/216284ae-5540-425a-9317-e88e86caf291/Me++Grandpa.jpg Was My Mother Right? - The White Knight Syndrome: Here, let me help you with that…… - I was raised by a family who expected a boy and instead, got a girl. I grew up knowing how to do things, fix things, change the oil and think ahead. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/0200ed28-9bc4-4b4d-8178-faf867590566/White+Knight+2.jpg Was My Mother Right? - The White Knight Syndrome: Here, let me help you with that…… - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/60a69c13-a862-4921-86a3-fef397590a2c/White+Knight+3.jpg Was My Mother Right? - The White Knight Syndrome: Here, let me help you with that…… - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/am-i-scared monthly 0.5 2023-07-20 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/bf5f5620-9a66-4b88-b38a-a2a802137e77/Writing+Trauma+is+Hard.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Am I Scared? - Make it stand out Writing Trauma is Hard https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/0f9c200a-9e6c-43ac-930f-2827fb60f32a/Writing+Trauma+is+Hard+%283%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Am I Scared? - UGH I wrote journal after journal. They become a faucet of drenching grievance. I eventually got sick of hearing my victimized voice and finally took the story to a writing class, a simple neighborhood writing class, and something emerged. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/thankyou monthly 0.5 2023-07-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1688594425629-7BS803W7M1J7XRFEFI10/Allies+%282%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Thank You For Your Presence - Make it stand out The oddity is that we may not be individuals and, by believing that we are, diminishes our available power. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/02797055-20c5-491f-bc31-5ea7dab29c44/%40oursilentvoice+%287%29.png Was My Mother Right? - Thank You For Your Presence - Make it stand out Warmly, Marie and Janet https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/ujrssvyvp41xaum7qfti09243176vd monthly 0.5 2023-04-13 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/847415e6-7750-4a66-93dd-6646ada0d12d/Silence+Kristina-Flour+on+Upsplash.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Silence: Why We Choose It… or Do We? - Here’s a game – How many reasons on this list have you used to stay silent? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/161b5511-1698-46d0-8a96-d92ce1f76de5/Ina+Mae+Redmond+Orange+Blossom+Queen+1946.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Silence: Why We Choose It… or Do We? - Orange Blossom Queen 1946 Ina Mae Redmond Ina Mae Redmond Orange Blossom Queen 1946 https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/substances-amp-sex-before-during-amp-after-d9r6t monthly 0.5 2023-03-03 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1609885322071-UXE1HPUJHA7I3TKPXV97/image.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Drink to Kill the Pain or Spark a Violent Flame - “...when compared with non-victims, rape victims are 3.4 times more likely to use marijuana 5.3 times more likely than non-survivors to use prescription drugs for non-medical purposes. Victims of sexual assault, including childhood sexual abuse, may use alcohol or drugs to numb or escape from painful memories.”. Caron Treatment Centers, 2004 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1609885614085-P00KS6C2OYV8WZZL8HMH/image.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Drink to Kill the Pain or Spark a Violent Flame - The single greatest danger to a woman's health is violence from men. Senator Joseph Biden, New York Magazine https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/pe2fz5hsxkd5r5506kyd742zni6n2r monthly 0.5 2022-12-21 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/f8eea206-ad1c-4f3f-b5dd-8dbb56e7cf48/Forgiveness+%281%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Is Forgiveness a Radical Act? - I resonate with Marianne Williamson when she says: “Forgiveness doesn’t make us more vulnerable to manipulation or exploitation; in fact, it makes us less so. For the mind that forgives is a mind that is closer to its true nature. The fact that I forgive you doesn’t mean you “won.” It doesn’t mean you got away with something. It simply means I’m free to go back to the light, reclaim my inner peace, and stay there.” - Marie https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/20998f74-3a83-42d6-8f6f-a5e8148f0d9c/Forgiveness+%283%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Is Forgiveness a Radical Act? - We are all damaged… All of life is a process of recovery that never ends. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/9a662dcd-3a3c-4fc2-a636-cd89411ab4a0/Forgiveness+Street+View.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Is Forgiveness a Radical Act? - Women Should Be Able To Walk The Street Naked-Ambaa Choate A woman should be able to walk down the street completely naked and not be raped or even worry that she might be. This narrative we have that men cannot control themselves if they become filled with desire for a woman is really insulting to you men! Is that really all it takes for you to turn into animals? I don’t think so. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/fa7f1980-a385-49c4-95f1-e5e3bab7f140/Forgiveness+%284%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Is Forgiveness a Radical Act? - One of the pieces I wrote begins like this: Do I really believe in forgiveness? Or do I pay lip service And keep fear In my pocket? https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/rpce2x8qm5qmce7cj9fmjn83t4nanu monthly 0.5 2022-12-14 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/427bafb1-02da-4100-98e0-a0519fa8c8fd/Consent.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Consent: Didn’t They Say No? - True Consent is Given Voluntarily Coercion describes any attempt to control your behavior with threats of manipulation. When someone won’t accept “No” and continues to try to convince you to change your mind about engaging sexually. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/2fb302b5-6bff-4839-900c-6f36fbeb3626/Consent+%283%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Consent: Didn’t They Say No? - What is “not” consent, is how we dress, flirting, accepting a ride, a gift or a drink. Neither is not saying “yes” or not saying no, stop, or “cut it out.” https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/why-dont-you-leave-when-abuse-feels-like-home monthly 0.5 2022-11-28 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/c6b087ea-4dec-44d2-ad30-ffde213abf72/Home+6.jpg Was My Mother Right? - “Why Don’t You Leave?” When Abuse Feels Like Home - If you’re hoping your abusive partner will change… Change can only happen once your abuser takes full responsibility for his/her behavior, seeks professional treatment, and stops blaming you, their unhappy childhood, their drinking, stress, work, or their temper. https://www.helpguide.org https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/b89dd3ab-3a89-4b86-b913-10a84f1597f9/Power%26Control+Wheel.jpg Was My Mother Right? - “Why Don’t You Leave?” When Abuse Feels Like Home - Make it stand out Wheel of Power & Control https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/ptfwglgbv48q8ixpjogpb3kij8sm22 monthly 0.5 2022-10-30 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/89db20f4-9c31-462a-8e39-30cb156d9c8c/Home+3.jpg Was My Mother Right? - If These Walls Could Talk - I think about my first marriage and how hard it was to get away. I kept going back because he promised it would never happen again. By the time we divorced I’d already been shunned in our community. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/96fca85f-f4a9-4147-945a-1c54d38f05d9/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - If These Walls Could Talk - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1666107586783-6YHXTBSEKG5G68LDKZM2/unsplash-image-bpTLYRaU7JU.jpg Was My Mother Right? - If These Walls Could Talk - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/mupgjzqu8y61vnpum7wgn9sqbxegc0 monthly 0.5 2022-09-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/c2ec6aa7-e263-401b-bc98-6a1e77704bdf/Incest+%282%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Incest & Abortion - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/a789b538-f530-4338-806f-299d7d58acad/Incest%283%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Incest & Abortion - This is not a comfortable issue, but we have to talk about the reality of incest. According to Incest Aware, https://www.incestaware.org/what-it-is-how-it-affects-people , there are unique aspects to this kind of abuse. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/0f6becbc-455c-4e97-b3cb-fee89dcaeb54/Incest.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Incest & Abortion - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/atenhut-assault-in-the-military monthly 0.5 2022-07-27 https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/proud-we-are-are-you monthly 0.5 2022-06-30 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/919e4bef-e691-49c4-a709-95c4afb04fb2/inthedreamhouse+%282%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Proud: We Are, Are You? - In her brilliant memoir, Carmen Maria Machado states, “I enter into the archive that domestic abuse between partners who share a gender identity is both possible and not uncommon, and that it can look something like this. I speak into the silence …” https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/im-not-like-you monthly 0.5 2022-06-15 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/c4bb10d5-f678-44f8-b596-ea68aea9fc3e/Lgbtq+%282%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - I’m Not Like You or Am I? - According to The Williams Institute at UCLA “LGBT people are nearly four times more likely than non-LGBT people to experience violent victimization, including rape, sexual assault, and aggravated or simple assault.” https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/press/ncvs-lgbt-violence-press-release/ https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/9d8xcl2dng7agoa2nzki2k3e2yolyd monthly 0.5 2022-06-04 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/d2d2bcd0-c73d-4440-84f0-b9150cea649a/It_s+Not+That+Bad+%283%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - It’s Not That Bad, Right? - Nearly 1 in 10 LGBTQ people in the United States experienced workplace discrimination in the last year. 4 in 10 women have faced gender discrimination on the job. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/c5daceb2-4074-4257-a127-78cffc939225/No+Huge+Risk.jpg Was My Mother Right? - It’s Not That Bad, Right? - One thing we can do is to make sure our vote counts. Do you know which legislators support Title VII? The human Rights Campaign has a website designed to provide this info : https://www.hrc.org/resources/yeo https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/b7736e74-ea74-443b-96d2-8423fde24389/Allies+%282%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - It’s Not That Bad, Right? - Make it stand out Join our voices today and end the silence. www.oursilentvoice.com/newsletter Sign up and join! https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/2vut09phhqs2254c7tqjgvo8l056hg monthly 0.5 2022-05-18 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/ab5b3847-323d-4d09-afda-0dac37852a3d/Writing+Trauma+is+Hard+%283%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Writing Your Trauma Story: Yep, It’s Hard - But for me – what I put on the line is my own ability to tell the truth with my daughters. What if they ask a question? I know I’m ready to answer with the context of why I started this project with Marie. How I learned to write my story, how it turned into a poem that was published, how I can stand separate from the story. It’s on a page and I’m standing here asking you to write yours! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/689055df-3455-47e6-b79a-c9723fae9d0f/writing+trauma.png Was My Mother Right? - Writing Your Trauma Story: Yep, It’s Hard - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/f96d65bd-832a-40f6-a3fe-73917488516b/Best+Seller.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Writing Your Trauma Story: Yep, It’s Hard - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/stalking-or-free-speech monthly 0.5 2022-05-04 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/05f18e07-8b77-4e67-9a21-23def331997f/Stalking+or+Free+Speach+%283%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Is it Stalking or Free Speech? - But What About… Racist and sexist remarks can make its targets feel both psychologically and physically threatened. It’s surprisingly common in our society. Many argue that this speech should be banned under law. But is this an area covered by the First Amendment right to free speech? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/214c2e95-3c95-4d56-bb72-e2c333fae1a1/Stalking+or+Free+Speach+%281%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Is it Stalking or Free Speech? - A Stalker Has No Gender Ask Google ‘killed by a stalker’ and the page is full. Ex-wives stalk, ex-girlfriends stalk, college men stalk, dates stalk, and killers stalk. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/youre-not-the-boss-of-me-420 monthly 0.5 2022-05-03 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/9b08b6e5-9f7c-4832-892f-ad0c6a4a62cb/Narcissim+%282%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - You’re Not the Boss of Me - Under the spell of a narcissist……. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/4844b63d-9aef-4f30-b6f5-43a6a39b6f8b/Narcissim+4.jpg Was My Mother Right? - You’re Not the Boss of Me “Coercive control is a strategic form of ongoing oppression and terrorism used to instill fear. The abuser will use tactics, such as limiting access to money or monitoring all communication, as a controlling effort.” Cindy Lamothe, www.healthline.com, https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/96d45c32-34b0-4585-baaa-7d15323dfec1/Narcissm+Coercive+Control.jpg Was My Mother Right? - You’re Not the Boss of Me - Call 1-800-656-4673 If you know someone who might be in a similar circumstance, support them by sharing the resources that are there. (Call 1-800-656-4673). Help them think through a safe exit strategy, just in case. If there are children, the kids should know a neighbor or a library they can go to for a few quiet hours. It’s a good idea to check in with a domestic hotline regularly. Events will go on record and things will be in perspective. Document every event – this can be significant later. These resources are here for this very reason. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/accused-or-nailed monthly 0.5 2022-04-12 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/5702adfe-0efb-4910-b4f8-e13b8d9d92c2/Falsely+Accused.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Accused or Nailed? - What happens if you are accused of assault? Does it stand or are you nailed? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/48d7262b-1165-4d71-9e1f-e478e6292e59/Falsely+Accused+%284%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Accused or Nailed? - I ask you to imagine for a minute, what that would be like if it happened to you. It’s almost impossible to prove that you didn’t do something. Once your family and friends and colleagues have pictured the possibility that you’ve done something unthinkable, it’s pretty hard to erase. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/f748b715-f9d0-4195-a36d-2d8bc92f7cb9/Shame+%26+Silence.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Accused or Nailed? - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/rehab-or-incarcerate monthly 0.5 2022-04-29 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/29040ee3-3b25-4c9a-aa18-c6cbe16664dc/Rehab+or+Incarcerate.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Rehab or Incarcerate - For example, the Man Alive program, started by Hamish Sinclair, is a 52-week program. The first twenty weeks are spent educating and building awareness, so that men can be accountable for their violence. Without this, many play down the effect of the violent act, and twist the events so that it seems to be the others’ fault. The next sixteen weeks are spent teaching alternative behaviors to violence. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/10dd624c-793b-4ea2-920b-3bedb861e682/Rehab+or+Incarcerate+%282%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Rehab or Incarcerate - Make it stand out Janet: If according to RAIIN 975 out of 1000 assaults are reported and a mere 25 are incarcerated, the equation changes. Overall, 925 remaining perps can do a lot of damage. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/3d5d4ebd-f0f2-4f1f-bb36-8782de08badc/Rehab+or+Incarcerate+%283%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Rehab or Incarcerate - Make it stand out How about college campuses? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/631fe812-62ac-4131-96f2-18232e329502/Forgiveness+%284%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Rehab or Incarcerate - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/rape-or-regret-was-my-mother-right monthly 0.5 2022-04-29 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/09199ffc-5c3e-47ea-bc61-c35d3629dc96/Rape+or+Regret+Blurred+Lines+%283%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Was My Mother Right? - It’s Rare We Report Given the common responses to reporting assault, it is statistically rare that someone lies about being raped. In fact, it is much easier for victims to engage in self-blame than to face the disturbing fact that they had no control over what happened even when violated. http://www.slvtucasa.net/understanding-trauma-reponses https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/a524e4ac-9a5b-41c7-89ee-4903b556a245/Rape+or+Regret+Blurred+Lines+%281%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Was My Mother Right? - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/c95b8179-3921-4657-a96a-cd2be5022911/Not+That+Bad.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Was My Mother Right? - Closing the introduction in her book, Roxane writes, Closing the introduction in her book “Not That Bad”, (insert picture) Roxane writes, “This is a moment that will, hopefully, become a movement.” https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/how-we-wrote-our-trauma-our-silent-voice monthly 0.5 2022-04-29 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/25499892-4fbb-428a-beaa-507eb8ef9b1f/Narcissim+%282%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - How We Wrote OUR Trauma: OUR Silent Voice - I wasn’t right for the role and I couldn’t pretend… I didn’t know I was damaged. I looked and acted fine except I wasn’t and I just couldn’t do it. They cheated and left! - Janet https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/writing-a-dangerous-thing monthly 0.5 2022-04-29 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/81c7b8ae-c1be-4ad5-99e2-a2dc45017354/Writing+is+Dangerous+%282%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Writing: A Dangerous Thing - It’s a courageous thing to write about your most vulnerable moments. Our angriest, most triggering moments can feel dangerous at the outset – yet can reward the writer in many ways. Marie https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/7694a35d-aff1-4a4d-af61-b4e606fdeddd/Typewriter.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Writing: A Dangerous Thing - Make it stand out We have published sixty-eight pieces in OSV: Break the Silence. And, they are all from people just like you. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/trafficked-what-abusers-look-for monthly 0.5 2022-02-22 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/2c5ec24a-1112-456d-b28e-411676936d75/Trafficked+%281%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Trafficked: What Abusers Look For - Will You Notice? They’ll use psychological intimidation, manipulation, starvation, rape, beating, confinement, threats, forced drug use, and the shame from these acts to keep the sexually exploited person under control. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/0de67927-e982-44af-94c6-2981e7ea5916/Trafficked+%284%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Trafficked: What Abusers Look For - The federal TVPA(Trafficking Victims Protection Act) provides the tools to combat trafficking in persons both worldwide and domestically.. It defines the activities of trafficking: “This can include kidnapping, battering, kicking, pushing, denial of food or water, denial of medical care, forced use of drugs or denial of drugs once a victim is addicted, forced to lie to friends and family about their whereabouts, being held in locked rooms or bound.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/90aa995a-3981-48be-b620-2c2f5d875862/Trafficked+%282%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Trafficked: What Abusers Look For - In an article titled Domestic Violence and Human Trafficking, May 24, 2018 (https://hawcdv.org/author/libertina/ ) Anna Libertin writes: “The force and manipulation used by abusers and traffickers, in addition to the love and trust victims often give traffickers and abusers, feed off of media misconceptions about gendered human nature, including an emphasis on sex, money, and violence.” https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/is-strength-a-gift monthly 0.5 2022-04-11 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/c38331aa-9b80-4199-aff4-480d79a7f51e/Strength++%282%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Is Strength a Gift? But what do we know about speaking up about assault? The urge to shut down is almost overwhelming. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/0e0ec565-6ab7-4196-9691-6c831b592654/Strength+%283%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Is Strength a Gift? - Reward or Risk? Like a whistleblower, when we sound the alarm about abuse, what happens? Then, how do we stay strong enough to see it through? What are we willing to risk? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/62dec66e-e86b-44fc-af61-105be85527f5/Typewriter.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Is Strength a Gift? - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/forgiveness-how-radical-1 monthly 0.5 2022-02-22 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/a0451cb8-1e3b-4df8-981a-0be5f82d4a82/Forgiveness+%283%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Forgiveness: How Radical - Marie: I resonate completely with Marianne Williamson when she says, “Forgiveness doesn’t make us more vulnerable to manipulation or exploitation; in fact, it makes us less so. For the mind that forgives is a mind that is closer to its true nature.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/631fe812-62ac-4131-96f2-18232e329502/Forgiveness+%284%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Forgiveness: How Radical - Bryan McGill offers this quote from Simple Reminders: Inspiration for Living Your Best Life We are all damaged… All of life is a process of recovery that never ends. We each must find ways to accept and move through the pain and to pick ourselves back up. For each pang of grief, depression, doubt, or despair there is an inverse toward renewal coming to you in time. Be patient with yourself. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/14865438-de48-48d4-a182-7486fd0b9311/Forgiveness+%282%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Forgiveness: How Radical - Do I really believe in forgiveness? Or do I pay lip service And keep fear In my pocket? Marie Posthumus https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/writing-trauma-how-it-worked-for-us-1 monthly 0.5 2021-11-22 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/09dd442a-3ba9-4d59-bd97-45c7b7335686/Pen+-+Copy.jfif Was My Mother Right? - Writing Trauma - How It Worked for Us - The Benefits of Writing About Trauma | The Psychosynthesis Trust Jun. 27, 2017 Another possible reason why writing about trauma might be helpful is that it affords us the ability to reprocess our experience from a safe place, enabling us to experience a type of mastery and control over the trauma, and overcome the sense of helplessness. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1637553222713-DRW3L3Y1SLFRQ55F840X/The+Perfect+Victim.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Writing Trauma - How It Worked for Us https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/42cd79d5-f1d7-425e-935a-4a290e84d0eb/prelaunch+graphic+OSV+2.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Writing Trauma - How It Worked for Us - Make it stand out Our stories and theirs are in the book, Our Silent Voice: Break the Silence. Sign up here to help us get to #1 on December 1 starting at 9am PST, 11am CST, and 1pm EST. https://www.oursilentvoice.com/newsletter https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/the-written-word-is-it-now-and-everafter monthly 0.5 2021-11-14 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/73588aea-db1c-49a5-ad59-b86d212b06a1/The+Written+Word.jpg Was My Mother Right? - The Written Word: Is it Now and Everafter? - Revised Standard Version (RSV) Timothy 2:12 "I permit no woman to teach or to have authority over men; she is to keep silent." https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/c6f4e965-8260-452d-b005-bb350c35d96d/Katie+B+Edwards%282%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - The Written Word: Is it Now and Everafter? - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/5ea9f8b0-e8cf-4ced-9ddf-c58e9617f20d/The+Written+Word%282%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - The Written Word: Is it Now and Everafter? - Make it stand out Quiet are the voices that say the man should have earned and be deserving of respect. Quiet are the voices that say the man should be qualified to lead a family with integrity. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/assault-in-the-military monthly 0.5 2021-10-25 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1635186087000-R5J1DJBJZXPMU1CMLKVT/A%27tenhut+%282%29.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - A’tenthut! - FALL IN you don't know why your dark blue skirt is so wet against your thighs as you walk with him in the dark back to your barracks you don't know how to answer when he asks why are you crying when he asks why are you so upset you know how to wash your uniform in the sink you know how to hang it up to dry how to press it so that each sleeve is perfectly creased so that the skirt is perfectly flat how to clean the dirt and grass from your shoes how to mix polish and water in a tin lid and buff them until they shine how to put your name tag and your ribbon back on your shirt pinned exactly so you don’t know how you will stop your sobs from gurgling out before you reach the light of the barracks how you will stifle yourself buck up and put on a smile but come morning you will stand in formation shoulder to shoulder with all those other airmen at attention in the sunrise - Rebecca Danelly https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1635185537391-3DUVRVP2AYRFKJVYS4OF/A%27tenhut.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - A’tenthut! - WE ASK? Is that enough? Approximately 20,000 U.S. military members are sexually assaulted annually. But only 7,816 reported those cases, and only in 350cases were perpetrators charged with a crime. President Joe Biden and Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin created an independent commission to examine possible solutions and endorsed its findings. The Independent Review Commission, or IRC, made 80 recommendations, including remove military commanders from adjudicating sexual assault cases, better evaluate commanders for the climate they create, and victim advocates should be independent of the chain of command. -Nick Schifrin is the foreign affairs and defense correspondent for PBS NewsHour, based in Washington, D.C. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/gender-equity-is-it-fair monthly 0.5 2021-10-13 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1634147009182-18ABD7CD6NFT5KIV3T0B/Equity+Equality.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Gender Equity: Is it Fair? - How Equality and Equity Are Different (And Why It Matters in the Workplace) “On the job, issues of gender, race, sexual orientation, language, and disability require an employer, to be deliberately conscious of equity when creating company policies and workflows. Choices like offering gender-neutral restrooms, ensuring interview panels are diverse, providing accessible workspaces, and eliminating discriminatory handbook language requires more intentional thinking, but the result is worthwhile: An environment that creates equal access and opportunities for all.” - Premier Talent Partners, Jul 29, 2019, https://www.premiertalentpartners.com/how-equality-and-equity-are-different/ https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/im-not-like-you-am-i monthly 0.5 2021-10-28 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1632859357616-YAZXK23OLFW400YY9PAC/Lgbtq+%282%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - I’m Not Like You, Am I? - 1-4 women, and 1-in 6 men, or worse? “LGBT people are nearly four times more likely than non-LGBT people to experience violent victimization, including rape, sexual assault, and aggravated or simple assault.” https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/press/ncvs-lgbt-violence-press-release/ https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/at-work-what-are-the-new-rules monthly 0.5 2021-09-13 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1631404206240-XL07Y0VFXTHVP2YRX0U5/At+Work+%283%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - At Work: What Are the New Rules? - We also know if it’s unwelcome. If I’m a teacher, or a nurse, or on the meat packing line where I might have to work elbow to elbow with my harasser, or worse, my rapist and they tease? That’s unwelcome. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1631404652739-Q8KED5AOZH641KD39H2O/At+Work+%284%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - At Work: What Are the New Rules? - According to Dr. Michael Messner, professor of sociology and gender studies at the University of Southern California, Some Men::Feminist Allies and the Movement to End Violence Against Women, “Throughout the past four decades of anti-violence work, activists and the general public alike have grappled with how to understand the source of gender-based violence.” https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/anonymous-heres-how-i-tell-my-story monthly 0.5 2021-08-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1629673567454-IADQBXAADBHXP1VHSGSQ/Anonymous+%283%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Anonymous: Here’s How I Tell My Story - “…the trade-off between identity and honesty can be a complicated one. This is truth-telling predicated, after all, on a lie – perhaps the biggest lie possible, the denial of who you are.” - Sarah Ditum, “The Guardian,” Sun 9 Feb 2020 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1629674281018-QE17BVK4740XXBTCI4FP/Anonymous+Nom+de+Plume.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Anonymous: Here’s How I Tell My Story - “There are authors who choose anonymity or a pen name because it gives them the freedom they need to write without worrying about what friends, family or the world will think of their work. Perhaps they want to be free to recycle family history or let their characters be violent, deviants, or whoever they need to be for the story, without any raised eyebrows or backlash.” “The Benefits of Publishing Anonymously or Taking a Pen Name,” October 15, 2013, Nillu Nassar, the author of the novel, All the Tomorrows and Hidden Colours https://nillunasser.com/2013/10/15/publishing-anonymously-or-taking-a-pen-name/ https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/blog monthly 0.5 2021-08-24 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1628542535009-JEQYJEGDDFMT4MHV46RP/https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rainn.org%2Farticles%2Fwhat-expect-criminal-trial Was My Mother Right? - I’m Terrified: How Can I Tell What Happened - RAAIN states, in their article on What to Expect at a Criminal Trial https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-expect-criminal-trial “When a case against an alleged perpetrator goes to trial in criminal court, the victim is often asked to testify. The idea of testifying may feel overwhelming or intimidating for some survivors of sexual violence. Everyone responds differently to sharing their experience publicly and testifying in court is no exception.” Click here to read the article https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1628543238694-RN0GPE5JY2I87V1HZ6KH/Sign+up+for+your+workshop%21 Was My Mother Right? - I’m Terrified: How Can I Tell What Happened - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1628543686221-QBH15WV7RPBS2QXBPA02/Who+Can+I+Tell+%282%29_.jpg Was My Mother Right? - I’m Terrified: How Can I Tell What Happened - According to RAAIN, most states have a Victims’ Bill of Rights that can differ depending on where the court case is being heard. There are some rights that apply across many states, according to the Office of Justice Programs. These rights include but are not limited to: The right to apply for crime victim compensation The right to attend criminal justice proceedings The right to certain protections from intimidation and harassment throughout the trial The right to be heard and participate in criminal justice proceedings You can learn more about victim rights in your state from the Office for Victims of Crime. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/on-the-margins-whos-missing monthly 0.5 2021-08-13 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1627318016567-KICR6Y3NKMQ3EHZ27B0X/While+they+are+missing%2C+what+kind+of+things+are+happening+to+them%3F Was My Mother Right? - On The Margins: Who’s Missing? While they’re missing, what kind of things are happening to them? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1627318841193-QUCJHPDRSJ9T6PULJVZA/Boy.jpg Was My Mother Right? - On The Margins: Who’s Missing? - Is he visible to anyone? Now, as an adult, he is on his own – his past concealed from anyone who does not remember those days. Is he okay? https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/safenot-safe-if-these-walls-could-talk monthly 0.5 2021-08-13 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1624822726833-T4SPNQKIITMV83HVNM8F/Safe_Not%2BSafe.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Safe/Not Safe: If These Walls Could Talk Why do they stay? In most cases, leaving is the most dangerous time in the relationship, because fear and anxiety is escalated, and the abuser is unpredictable. Seventy percent of deaths by domestic violence cases occur after the partner leaves – or makes the attempt to leave. -Marie https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1624822026728-FGD41EFYVB1WN0JRDWDX/sexualassaultline.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Safe/Not Safe: If These Walls Could Talk I thought about how hard it was to get away… How I kept going back because he promised… it would never happen again... -Janet https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/pride-in-the-dream-house monthly 0.5 2021-08-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1624059811657-AGFB3DQXC01R91VA56UK/Pride.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Pride: In the Dream House - Stand With Us We, Our Silent Voice, celebrate Pride Month to add our voice for the rights that are so hard won. And we, along with many, mourn the losses. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1624060177065-JVCXIBBWCJB4IKAXSSBE/inthedreamhouse+%282%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Pride: In the Dream House “I enter into the archive that domestic abuse between partners who share a gender identity is both possible and not uncommon, and that it can look something like this. I speak into the silence …” Carmen Maria Machado https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/its-not-that-bad-what-do-we-accept monthly 0.5 2021-08-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1623286070250-Z4GPHFFXD7EZZ4YPXAB3/%23metoo.jpg Was My Mother Right? - It’s Not That Bad: What Do We Accept? - Chris Chancey, founder of Amplio Recruiting, said that many victims of workplace harassment do not report it out of fear, and others are unsure of what conduct constitutes harassment. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1623285770663-PT8YCZM4VKKN5CDVAQOG/It_s+Not+That+Bad+%283%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - It’s Not That Bad: What Do We Accept? - Chancey encourages employees to take the following steps in these nonviolent situations: “Try to resolve the issue with the harasser in a calm manner. Ask them, preferably in a private setting, to stop directing this behavior at you. However, if the abuse is physical, do not approach your harasser. Consider escalating the issue to your immediate manager – unless, of course, your manager is the perpetrator. Bring the issue to the attention of HR if your attempts to resolve it with the harasser fail. If you can, provide evidence such as screenshots, texts, messages and eyewitness accounts. If you feel that your managers, HR and company management did not deal with your case satisfactorily, get in touch with the EEOC, which can investigate the incident impartially.” https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/truth-or-dare-what-truth-when monthly 0.5 2021-08-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1621869515439-5FLI4I0D0AEJQ9XDBD4U/Truth+or+Dare+%282%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Truth or Dare: What Truth-When? - The Myth: A person who has really been sexually assaulted will be hysterical. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/ithurts monthly 0.5 2021-08-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1621278958254-7BZYQEDTOPGDS4O4Z4CO/Compound+Fracture_Red.jpg Was My Mother Right? - It Hurts: The Compound Fracture of Trauma Trauma can fracture every defense we have, every safety net, every pretense we’ve constructed to appear normal. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1621279913525-SYQXJIC9WV39IECDVLFW/Compound+Trauma.jpg Was My Mother Right? - It Hurts: The Compound Fracture of Trauma - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/in-the-local-paper-an-assault-a-week monthly 0.5 2021-08-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1618615911479-G81WHKEVBX71B1LV7LVG/logan-weaver-bBYIFgVUhts-unsplash+%283%29.jpg Was My Mother Right? - In the Local Paper: An Assault a Week - My reasonable question is, are we asking the people who we’re taught will protect us to protect us and they can’t? Are they allowed to protect us, to take us away from the threat? Alternatively, are they constrained? -Janet What can we expect? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1618616409776-CMUECPPDS1L73KX86DLS/Audre+Lord+Project+%282%29.png Was My Mother Right? - In the Local Paper: An Assault a Week - The SOS (Safe Outside the System) program has been developed for and by those who sometimes cannot rely on the police force for protection, such as the LGBTQ community. Part of the Audre Lorde project, this system is based on building trust and accountability among neighbors to transform individuals and build a safer society. - Marie “The Audre Lorde Project is a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Two Spirit, Trans and Gender Non-Conforming People of Color community organizing center, focusing on the New York City area.” https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/time-and-punishment-is-eternity-long-enough monthly 0.5 2021-08-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1616787499418-SD1N58H0YFMT1IX4Z8TT/unsplash-image-qDbnNDF2jZ4.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Time and Punishment – Is Eternity Long Enough? - There’s no term for the special sting of discovering that the man who convinced you he could assure your safety turns out to be dangerous himself. Liz Plank, “How America fell for Andrew Cuomo’s ‘good guy’ performance’” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1616787944067-DOJJATME0B03T1K6K7GT/unsplash-image-BcjdbyKWquw.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Time and Punishment – Is Eternity Long Enough? - Rape culture demands that women silence themselves, dishonor their intuitive boundaries, and disregard their own integrity. Marie Posthumus, OSV Editor & Founder https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/a-perfect-victim monthly 0.5 2021-08-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1614618247147-C69SIRVLELCNOTUBCE45/image.jpg Was My Mother Right? - The Myth: A Perfect Victim - …Because you shouldn’t have to be flawless for your pain to be valid. - Alexa Nargi, “It’s Time We End the Desire for the Perfect Victim” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1614619028738-TKG5AXXDY589VWBNEDM4/image.jpg Was My Mother Right? - The Myth: A Perfect Victim - We are not perfect; we are messy. We aren’t easy; we’re complicated. We are not victims; we’re survivors. We did not wait too long to tell our story. - Janet Pfeifer, Our Silent Voice Editor & Founder https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1614620435894-OPOFTG6TEXPH6B2GUCA9/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - The Myth: A Perfect Victim - Violence does not discriminate. There is no such thing as setting yourself up for an attack. It is not your fault and it’s not about you. - Marie Posthumus, Our Silent Voice Editor & Founder https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1614620583734-WV8NG2URJUC7G0ALKHXI/image.jpg Was My Mother Right? - The Myth: A Perfect Victim - We are all complicit in the breeding of rape culture. Rape culture and victim blaming is perpetuated across our society through the media, and prevailing social attitudes. - Marie Posthumus, Our Silent Voice Editor & Founder https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/substances-amp-sex-before-during-amp-after monthly 0.5 2023-02-20 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1609885322071-UXE1HPUJHA7I3TKPXV97/image.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Substances & Sex: Before, During & After - ...when compared with non-victims, rape victims are 3.4 times more likely to use marijuana 5.3 times more likely than non-survivors to use prescription drugs for non-medical purposes. Victims of sexual assault, including childhood sexual abuse, may use alcohol or drugs to numb or escape from painful memories. Caron Treatment Centers, 2004 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1609885614085-P00KS6C2OYV8WZZL8HMH/image.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Substances & Sex: Before, During & After - The single greatest danger to a woman's health is violence from men. Senator Joseph Biden, New York Magazine https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/forgiveness-how-radical monthly 0.5 2021-08-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1609883823184-GAER2IVDHWYDGUWBKKUE/image.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Forgiveness: How Radical - A woman should be able to walk down the street completely naked and not be raped or even worry that she might be. This narrative we have that men cannot control themselves if they become filled with desire for a woman is really insulting to you men! Is that really all it takes for you to turn into animals? I don’t think so. Ambaa Choate, Women Should Be Able To Walk The Street Naked https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1609882945290-BGXSM5625CY0BZWCE11X/image.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Forgiveness: How Radical - We are all damaged… All of life is a process of recovery that never ends. We each must find ways to accept and move through the pain and to pick ourselves back up. For each pang of grief, depression, doubt or despair there is an inverse toward renewal coming to you in time. Each tragedy is an announcement that some good will indeed come in time. Be patient with yourself. Bryan McGill , Simple Reminders: Inspiration for Living Your Best Life https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/coercive-control-is-this-love monthly 0.5 2021-08-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1604957477519-QBHYT6R2N48F6DHGPWNG/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - Coercive Control: Is This Love? - Coercive control is a strategic form of ongoing oppression and terrorism used to instill fear. The abuser will use tactics, such as limiting access to money or monitoring all communication, as a controlling effort. Cindy Lamothe, www.healthline.com, 10/10/19 medically reviewed by T Legg, PhD, CRNP https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1604957851042-HU26465Y9NE4VYT3ABL3/image.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Coercive Control: Is This Love? - There was no single, dramatic event. No visible injury. The systematic control and confusion eroded away her quality of life. This kind of control can escalate without warning. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/self-trust-who-can-i-tell monthly 0.5 2021-08-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1603820262660-VTZYH0I1LFWENSW73L2Q/image.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Self-Trust: Who Can I Tell? - Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change. And Even to me the issue of ‘stay small, sweet, quiet, and modest’ sounds like an outdated problem, but the truth is that women still run into those demands whenever we find and use our voices. - Brene Brown https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1603821032863-NH98T2PCEPXORVYFVXPB/image.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Self-Trust: Who Can I Tell? - I worked with a client in therapy who would not speak about her previous experience of continued sexual harassment at work until the harasser was dead. Only then did she feel safe. She is also the CEO of her own company. - Gavin Sharp, The Real Reasons Sexual Assault Victims Don’t Speak Up https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/rearview-mirror-whats-a-backstory monthly 0.5 2021-08-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1603154828442-ACUJIOXHQNHTQJTKS6FG/image.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Rearview Mirror: What’s a Backstory - Giving a character a backstory that includes trauma is a great device to create inner tension, and often leads to conflict. 5 Tips On Writing A Trauma Backstory – Lisa Hall-Wilson https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1603155494615-6TKMXABSN45AJZ1DB9DJ/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - Rearview Mirror: What’s a Backstory - Don’t be lazy. As a writer, you need to dive deep... so the reader can experience the loss, anxiety and trauma with your character. 5 Tips On Writing A Trauma Backstory – Lisa Hall-Wilson https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1603155969509-ZTC8ZLC9FR0DNYIPMOL5/image.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Rearview Mirror: What’s a Backstory - When I first got my period, I was told that I would now start seeing things differently, that I would begin to see things the way a woman sees them. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/i659zq3hcec4lde9ltdk0xvr6vrcqw monthly 0.5 2021-08-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1601390446785-I9E8SMI0VHMMKPVARQPH/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - I’m Fine - Why Do You Ask? - “Sexual assault is much more common than we think, while false accusations are much rarer … When we confront allegations of assault, in politics and in culture, we should understand the realities that sexual assault survivors face when speaking out about their experiences.” Cameron Kimble, BrennanCenter.org ‘Sexual Assault Remains Dramatically Underreported’ https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1601390797497-CTIJODCIJAF1OST01KRY/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - I’m Fine - Why Do You Ask? - “….childhood trauma is devastating, no matter what form it takes. It affects your self-esteem, trust, future relationships, and sense of safety in the world. And, no matter what you do to forget, the secrets haunt you every day. You wonder if it was your fault or, you don’t want to remember or, remembering makes you relive it or, you wonder if it is better to move on or, you think no one would understand.” Sandra Cohen, Your Tango https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/writing-trauma-how-it-worked-for-us monthly 0.5 2026-03-09 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1600053499477-GE3OWVLBL7GCJYX88DWU/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - Writing Trauma - How It Worked for Us - “Another possible reason why writing about trauma might be helpful is that it affords us the ability to reprocess our experience from a safe place, enabling us to experience a type of mastery and control over the trauma, and overcome the sense of helplessness.” The Benefits of Writing About Trauma | The Psychosynthesis Trust Jun. 27, 2017 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1600054988224-BXRLEP0RZGRG7M34MQ9T/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - Writing Trauma - How It Worked for Us - “Research by my colleague Jamie Pennebaker and his colleagues suggests that one of the best therapies for this kind of psychological trauma is also one of the simplest: writing. People are asked to spend three consecutive days writing about one or more traumatic events. The people doing the writing do not have to believe that anyone will ever read what they wrote. Making these traumatic events more coherent makes memories of these events less likely to be repeatedly called to mind, and so they can be laid to rest.” https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/perps-can-violence-be-unlearned monthly 0.5 2021-08-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1598407337790-EO09RTZG7EZIZ7D4K6J0/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - Perps. - Can Violence Be Unlearned? - “ ...domestic violence victims are not routinely screened for strangulation…and the victims themselves are often not even aware that they’ve lost consciousness.” No Visible Bruises by Rachel Snyder https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1598326878449-XHE4SCJEYHGQEFTDCYT4/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - Perps. - Can Violence Be Unlearned? - Ninety-eight percent of homicidal partners are male. Two percent are homicidal women. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/triggered- monthly 0.5 2021-08-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1597024870539-YUARP3L5F8OLF6CMARY1/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - Triggered | Understanding & Overcoming Triggers - “Triggers are like little psychic explosions that crash through avoidance and bring the dissociated, avoided trauma suddenly, unexpectedly, back into consciousness.” ― Carolyn Spring, trauma survivor, author, therapist https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1597025331721-C4BBCJKWZG88A40F7BP6/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - Triggered | Understanding & Overcoming Triggers - “While we don't know precisely how triggers are formed, some researchers believe that our brains store memories from a traumatic event differently from memories of a non-traumatic event. Past traumatic events may be interpreted by the brain as current, which causes the body to experience symptoms similar to the original trauma (such as the fight-or-flight response).” – VeryWell Mind https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/mute-they-knew monthly 0.5 2021-08-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1595649376627-3VX3GEJE0TV49CUOFCLS/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - Mute | They Knew - The whole company, from admin to the warehouse, was a bystander to this cycle of horror. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1595649656143-RSVCODDRQ5DKA5VJWQ5I/johannes-krupinski-BIFm4ITjNVE-unsplash.jpg Was My Mother Right? - Mute | They Knew - “… the ‘avoidance of the consequences of bad publicity’ was the main driver in failing to protect child abuse victims and report to authorities.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1595649688638-CWHLL9XPMBTQSY6MVW1Y/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - Mute | They Knew - I still think of Margaret to this day; what she might look like now, how old she would be… if she survived. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/a-response-netflixs-athlete-a monthly 0.5 2020-07-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1594613442824-3JNV5BELG1H7V946QYEZ/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - Denial | Responding to Netflix’s ‘Athlete A’ - Statistics show that every 9 minutes, a child is sexually abused in the United States. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1594613828691-X5L5STXHL79L107CEKPO/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - Denial | Responding to Netflix’s ‘Athlete A’ - The stories can be hard to hear, but listening to them is necessary. https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/confronting-biases monthly 0.5 2020-06-27 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1593137811828-3PIQ6Q5BM05JP5KYVP2L/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - Confronting Biases - Excerpt from Between the World and Me By Ta-Nehisi Coates https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1592972294228-P617FN4WMU791SI61T1M/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - Confronting Biases - What Does it Matter? By Janet https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/everyone-has-a-story monthly 0.5 2021-08-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1591741885866-VYY1TOV7G1QXE8U2JRCV/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - Everyone Has a Story… - Tell Yours & Heal. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1591742150390-HH7D8W8P1CWS8TBN09TC/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - Everyone Has a Story… https://www.oursilentvoices.com/blog/j8vw54bip4jxm2mapbpphvka61x6u0 monthly 0.5 2020-06-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5df2b3c75ce1d42fd6b19561/1593141459611-ODXTT3633YCJT14LC8M6/image-asset.jpeg Was My Mother Right? - Share Your Truth - “You can recognize survivors of abuse by their courage. 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